I’m sorry it’s been a little silent lately and that my customary weekend post didn’t materialize.  It’s been a crazy couple of weeks here in the hotseat - plus, I was keeping my powder dry, all ready to burst out and surprise you with an exciting edition today! Tally ho!

Last week was a textbook case of everything my agenting life can comprise.  Negotiating the endless fine print of contracts (where the devil lies in the detail, all ready to ensnare you later if you don’t get it sorted), dealing with tax issues, heavy-duty editing (trying to explain to an author, over many pages of notes, how a manuscript might be transformed from something GOOD and PROMISING into something GREAT AND YES I WANT TO BUY IT), reading submissions that don’t quite cut the mustard (yawn, show and don’t tell), talking to the Hollywood film agent representing one of my manuscripts over in LA, preparing my speech (urgh, 45 minutes of me expounding!) for Hollins University this Friday, preparing for copious events over in London where I’m flying very soon . . . Oh, and did I mention the auction?  Oh, I didn’t, silly me!

Yes, the biggest event of last week - if days and days of mounting tension can be called an ‘event’ - was the very thrilling auction that happened for my lovely Lindsey Leavitt’s PRINCESS FOR HIRE.  Now I ‘met’ Lindsey (who is from Alabama) several months ago when she popped up in my inbox.  I remember the day very well.  I was feeling totally overwhelmed by the number of submissions flying at me through the ether and wondered how I would ever keep my mental faculties - or actually discern whether something was any good (if you don’t understand this, try to read 100 submissions, each with 3 chapters attached - ON SCREEN; your eyes go square and you soon develop a pounding headache over one eye; there is a price to be paid, by guess who, for the convenience of authors being able to email!). I was sitting back in my chair, boots on the desk, and clicking slowly through the emails.  I opened Lindsey’s attachment, read a few pages (about 3 was all it took) and slowly sat up, lowering the aforementioned boots to the floor. Here before me was an authorial voice to be taken seriously - it had character, wit, and panache.  A long phone call later, plus a lot of fingernail chewing (as Lindsey chose between me and another *somewhat* larger agency in New York), and the deal was done.  Lindsey was a Greenhouse seedling!

In common with virtually all authors I represent, Lindsey and I retired into a period of editorial purdah where she revised, expanded and generally developed her story and characters.  About three weeks ago we knew we had it as good as it could be and the moment had come to send our sparkly princess out into the world.  It’s a scary moment because there are so many imponderables, seasoned with a large twist of luck - and that’s true even with a really good manuscript.  It took ages for anything exciting to happen, but we (just about) kept our nerve and finally four publishers offered, with a very thrilling second round of ‘best offers’ involving two houses with a deadline of last Friday at 3pm.  By this time our fingernails were a mere memory, and Lindsey and I were in contact constantly by phone as the situation changed from hour to hour.  But we had a clear winner.  Emily Schultz at Hyperion had loved and championed PRINCESS from the start, and her house backed her right royally. Thank you, Hyperion! You guys don’t hang about when you want something. We salute you!

So Lindsey is all set to join the ranks of the professional writers.  Not just with one book - but with a three-book deal, the first of which publishes in Winter 2010.  A whole new world is opening up before her and I am so thrilled that this great dream of Lindsey’s is becoming a reality even better than I had dared to hope.

PRINCESS FOR HIRE is a wonderful, funny, high-concept story for tween girls.  After a humiliating encounter with her long-term crush, ex-best friend and a groundhog costume, Desi Bascomb knows she needs a little magic in her life.  So when sharply suited Meredith Poofinski pops out of a bubble saying she’s an agent scouting for princess substitutes, Desi leaps at the challenge.  Now Desi is about to learn first hand what it feels like to be royalty as she steps into the slippers of princesses who are desperate to go AWOL.  Soon Desi is dancing in an Amazon tribal festival and dodging a prince with just a little too much ‘Eastern promise’.  But nothing can prepare her for the magic of falling for a real prince - a prince who has no idea that back in Hicktown, Idaho, Desi is just a girl in a groundhog costume.

The deal went up on Publishers Marketplace today, and while Lindsey enjoys the magic of her very own life (who needs bubbles?), my thoughts have already turned to the UK/Commonwealth rights - and the rest of the world.  Because it’s not over when I’ve sold US and Canada; that’s hopefully just the start.  But again, it’s impossible to predict how the story will go down in other territories and we just wait and see and do our best.

And now I must run along - I have a poorly Hound downstairs who needs me.  And I hear him calling. 

So it’s a hot and steamy day over here in Virginia.  Early this morning the condensation was jungly, and I could practically see pythons draped over the tree branches out in the yard.  Well really that’s a total lie - because anything resembling a python within 100 miles of me and I’d have been in the next state by now - but you know what I mean.

The rock in the pond for me this week was a hectic two-day trip to New York visiting publishers.  I go every month or two according to what’s happening, what needs to be done, and who I’m getting excited about meeting, and there is nothing more useful than actually sitting down and talking one to one about imprints, upcoming lists, authors, and trends, with editors who are chiselling away at the coal face on a daily basis. This is how I hone my submission lists, targeting exactly the people who I feel will be most receptive to a manuscript. It also to some extent helps me determine which authors I should represent - because there’s no point in me taking on someone whose work I simply don’t stand a chance of selling.

One of the problems you face as an agent is the number of imprints that proliferate in many major houses - and the situation seems to get more complex all the time. We’ve recently seen lovely Christy Ottaviano’s new imprint spring up at Holt, and first Brenda Bowen’s Bowen Press and now Balzer & Bray launch at Harper. And then of course there’s the myriad imprints at Penguin Putnam, Simon & Schuster and Random . . .  Working out who should see what, and whether a novel has the voice for Dial, the stronger edge for Razorbill or the softer edge for Puffin, is a matter of some nuance.  Fortunately, most editors are generous of spirit and reasonably collaborative, so the golden rule is really to let them know who else you’ve sent to inhouse (if you’ve sent to more than one ilist), and then to trust the manuscript will passed to another imprint if that particular editor doesn’t consider it to be quite right for them.

I met a number of old friends on this trip, but also some editors I know less well.  It was great to see Brenda Bowen and Donna Bray again, but also to meet Katherine Tegen, Anne Hoppe and Kristin Daly at Harper for the first time in person on Wednesday.  Then on to Simon & Schuster to have a great session with the very excellent Bethany Buck and David Gale.  A really enjoyable evening out on Broadway with Elizabeth Law from Egmont (oh, guess who was standing four feet away from us as we left the theatre - Kevin Bacon!), a bit of sleep and then next day over to Penguin (via Lauren McKenna at Pocket) to meet up with a whole tribe of people, including Bonnie Bader of Grosset, Liz Waniewski of Dial, and Jennifer Bonnell of Puffin.

Sadly lunch with Lyron Bennett of Sourcebooks never happened due to a whole raft of telecom confusions, so the day finished with a brilliant time over at Hyperion with Jonathan Yaged and Ari Lewin, who have such a great list (and who will be launching THE DEVIL’S KISS - a Greenhouse title in Fall 2009).

So what are they all looking for? I hear you ask. I’d say there’s particularly strong demand for middle grade at the moment - strong concepts, tight plotting, good action; and boy protagonists.  YA paranormal also still strong, but the concept MUST be fresh (so please no vampires).  Several publishers particularly mentioned comedy - it’s rare to find an author who can really make you laugh.  Probably what I heard most was the search for stories with a great voice, great heart, and a strong concept.  Everyone wants BIG books - the books that will really justify their place on the list in terms of sales. Well, that’s obvious, of course, but really most houses can afford to wait until that ‘must have’ manuscript comes along that has them reaching gladly, and deeply, into their acquisitions budget. It’s tough out there (’out there’ being the slightly militaristic nuance we tend to use about the marketplace - like we’re all fighting our very own insurgency!) - tough for publishers to sell new authors in volume; tough for agents to sell publishers their new authors.  If you are a would-be author you may feel that agents are hard to please - but we are only filters to the even more rigorous publishing world. If you think agents are mean and horrid about your voice or your plotting, you need to realize that the publishing editors who wade knee deep in cream-of-the-crop submissions (which have already found representation), profit margins and cost-of-sale increases, are going to be even more ruthless as they assess your work and, if they do acquire it, knock it into shape.

So now I’m home and back at my desk (delayed flights and a major 24+ hour power failure following the storms notwithstanding; much wandering around with candles). Lots to do, lots to read, lots of good things happening - not least that so many editors commented on how much they loved the sound of the titles and authors I’m working with and representing.  And given the Greenhouse is a baby of only four months old, that’s all pretty cool!

If it’s hotter than hot where you are right now, take care, relax with your favourite bevvy (tall frappuccino, hold the whipped cream for me) and settle down with a good novel.  After all, it’s summer!

So it’s the weekend again. Thank goodness. It’s been a really long, really arduous week and all I feel like doing is stretching out on a reclining chair and slurping a frappuccino, loaded with an extraordinary number of calories. Which, on top of last week’s blog (oh, and various previous references to cake . . . ), may make you even more convinced that I am obsessed with guzzling.  Er, you have a problem with that?

There’s been a lot going on this week and tons I’d love to tell you about.  For a start there’s .....................  And then of course there’s ............................. Hah! And I’m desperate to tell you about ..........................  But you know what? Most of what I’ve been doing this week I’m not Ready to Reveal. I’m afraid I’m not one to splurge until just the right moment, plus I take a kind of Hippocratic Oath towards my clients.  Well, don’t you agree it would be ghastly to find your name and business out there in the ether before you knew about stuff yourself?

So having thought about it overnight, and recharged my batteries (with apologies to those who read a very truncated version of this post yesterday!), I’m going to dig up a thorny literary topic that is relevant to almost every debut novel I come across. The issue of Back Story, Present Story, and Future Story.  Now, Back Story is something you’ll have heard of before - the other Stories I’ve just invented to clarify the importance of the entire shape of, well, the story. If you can get your head around this, you’ll find it so much easier to create really convincing characters who (as we editors say) ‘leap off the page’.

The thing is, your characters don’t only exist within the confines of the obvious, immediate story you are telling.  You have to understand deeply - and convey to us, your readers - that, in fact, your characters had lives long before the first page of your novel.  They had lives in which they grew, developed, loved, lost, experienced joy and sorrow . . . all of which is compacted into that character whom we meet in the opening pages of your story. Many events, possibly long in the past, possibly just recently, entangled the lives of your characters and brought them together as your story opens.  They didn’t just spring into being on Page 1 - they were deeply formed before we ever met them. It’s just that now - as your novel opens - the spotlight has swung on to their world and illuminated them into print.  At the end of the story the spotlight will swing away once more, leaving them beyond us, in darkness.  And yet we have to believe they are still out there - and that we can imagine what they will be doing, where they will be headed, because of the story you revealed and constructed under that spotlight and long before. After all, if we really know your characters, we’re also likely to know what kinds of decisions and choices they might make in the future.

In practical terms all this means you must have a really strong and thoroughly worked-out grasp of those characters and all the events and dynamics that brought them to your Page 1. This is your Back Story.  You will need to reason out the logic of many situations, understand the personalities, deconstruct and reconstruct a whole world (especially if you are writing fantasy or anything supernatural).  Everything in your Front Story - the action that takes place within the pages of your novel - depends on a successfully constructed Back Story. 

You need to know where you are headed long before you ever start writing.  You need a literary road map that will take you from A-Z - the Z being a strong and clear conclusion, that will make sense of all that has happened before.  In many cases that ending will leave you with a clue to what the Future Story of those characters might be; what may happen to them after the book is closed or the Kindle is powered down (yes, I am rapidly becoming a big fan of the Amazon Kindle - invaluable for we ‘professional readers’ who have to gobble up print at insane speeds and don’t have enough bookcases).  I’m not talking about a sequel (though if you are intending to write one then you need an even clearer set of navigation points) - I’m talking about leaving your readers with a deep grasp of the reality of your characters. 

What you cannot do is invent your characters and their lives as you go along.  I’m not saying you can’t add bits and pieces and a lot of colour - I’m saying that broadly you need to know where they’ve come from and where they’re headed to.

Grasp your back story, imagine the spotlight swinging on to the stage of your characters’ lives and then away again - and I think you’ll find it very, very much easier to write your Front Story.

Give it a shot! Cheers and wishing you a happy weekend.

On Friday I had a sudden strong urge to jack it all in and run a tea shop.

Let me explain.  ‘Running a tea shop’ is British shorthand for considering a change of career. Because somewhere, in the recesses of most of our minds, is the notion of skipping away into a bucolic setting, acquiring a cottage (preferably pre-17th century), with roses climbing up its ancient stone, and spending one’s days serving tea (preferably from a floral-patterned, antique teapot), scones with home-made strawberry jam (Americans: preserves), cream that could coat your arteries at first intake, and a range of freshly made and delectable cakes. All this would take place in the perfect cottage garden, where colourful parasols would shade the crisp, white tablecloths . . . 

You have the picture?  Are you salivating for coffee cake?  Then I’ll tell you why I had the tea-shop moment.

A gentleman called me on Friday (a very nice gentleman, so, sir, if you have dropped in, I wish you good day).  He runs a website that tracks agents’ deals and wanted to update my information. We clarified a few points and I then I volunteered certain things about the Greenhouse - my ability to work editorially with new authors, the information to be found on the website, the kinds of manuscripts I am particularly interested in . . .  But it soon became clear that authors who use the site are only interested in one thing:  tracking which agents do the biggest deals. And that’s it.

Now, I am an agent who loves to do deals (and score pretty well given Greenhouse only launched very recently). I love auctions. I love negotiating, I love making money for my authors.  I love pursuing every opportunity. But for me, the size of the deal can’t be the only criteria for evaluating anything - I just don’t find the industry works that way. It takes an awful lot more than being a Good Agent to make an experienced publisher part with their precious acquisition dollars (or any other currency). There is no kind of subterfuge - they will buy what they want to buy, at its market value.  As the agent your job is to find them the manuscripts they are going to love (if possible, a ‘must have’) - and then do your level best to get your author the best possible deal (which is going to be very much easier if more than one publisher wants it).

But there are always Mystery X factors that you can’t control.  Like what they’ve already bought and have scheduled (and bear in mind publishers now will have most of their 2010 programs in place). Did you know there are lots of ‘funny ghost’ novels coming in the next 2 years?  Well, there are.  I well remember the year at Bologna where every second house had an ‘angel’ novel coming up; and the subsequent year when everything was the Irish Potato Famine.  And of course, much more recently, the endless vampire fiction. There is a weird kind of zeigeist that goes on, long before anyone knows there’s a tipping point in that theme or genre - or even a trend.

But to go back to the big deals.  There are the authors who score whopping deals first time out (and may then find it very hard ever to earn out those advances and get royalties). But there are also the smaller deals that change a person’s life, because they enable that individual to write, as they’d always wanted. And those authors can grow - so, if well managed and published, and with a fair wind behind them, that same author can quite possibly be making considerably more a few years down the tracks.  Do you think J.K. Rowling started huge? or Stephanie Meyer? Or Meg Cabot?  The answer is NO, THEY DIDN’T. In each case, an agent, an editor, believed in them and gave them that all-important first step into publication. Most authors don’t spring up fully formed, either in talent or income; they grow - or rather, they are grown, by editors, publicity, marketing, rights, and sales departments.

As an agent, you have a choice:  you could sit in your office waiting for the occasional novel with massive potential to swing by (once a year?) - or you can work with a range of authors, with varying styles, genres, expectations and potentials. And that’s what I like to do. Because I believe literary fiction should also be encouraged (which would certainly go out the window if you only focus on huge deals); the newly budding talent should be developed and given light and air. Publishers’ lists have room for all - the ‘super lead’, the ‘lead’, and the ‘take a risk’ fiction, and I believe that as agents and as publishers we owe it to our young readers to provide them with the full spectrum, not just a tiny number of same-old, sure-fire blockbusters. If you pursue the ‘publishing only whopper deals’ theory to its logical conclusion, we’d end up with shelves stocking very little, because a tiny minority of books would eat the rest. Sometimes it feels like we’re already not far off that - do we really want to make it worse?

I love working with new authors - that talent growing and developing, tentative, unsure and lacking in confidence.  They deserve to be given a publishing chance too.  This is a cut-throat business; but we should never lose sight of the small because we only have eyes for the large. 

So I’m off into the yard now, to soak up this glorious holiday-weekend sunshine.  Shame there’s no tea and cakes out there.  But hey, you KNOW I’d be rubbish at running a tea shop. Right?

Does anyone know if she’s any good?  Why does she have that funny commission structure?  How long does she take to reply? What’s her track record in the USA? Does she HAVE any track record in the USA???? 

Yes, the literary blogosphere is a scary place to find yourself - especially when you’re the one under the microscope, pinned and wriggling on the wall.  It was a shock when I first checked out a helpful would-be author’s link - and found myself being discussed at considerable length, and in a fair amount of detail, by people I’ve never had any contact with in my life. This kind of thing is new to me and seems to proliferate much more in the US than in the UK (though I could be being a bit naive about that).  Is it good, is it bad? Well, I guess it’s fine, so long as it helps you lot out there, and so long as it doesn’t encourage people to have seriously unreal expectations of how an agent should (or feasibly can) carry out their business.  But it does make me want to pop up, wave my hand and say, ‘Hi there, you have a burning question? Then ask me! I don’t bite!’

So let’s see if I can answer some of those questions you’ve been storing up. Why is my commission structure different to other agents based in the USA?  Because I represent both American and British authors (currently about half and half) and both countries are my home, so I do the logical thing and take the same commission (15%) on sales to both territories (instead of calling the UK ‘foreign’ and taking 20%).  But Greenhouse can’t afford just to give away that 5%, so instead we put it on to foreign sales (ie, the rest of the world) and take 25% there instead of 20%.  It all works out the same in the end - and if you are lucky enough to have a big deal in both the US and UK (likely to be your biggest markets), then you would do pretty well out of this method of cutting the cake.

Now, the issue of my track record.  I’ve been a publisher my whole working life. My career took me from Collins (when it was William Collins Sons & Co Ltd - ie, long before it was HarperCollins) to Transworld (now part of Random House) and then to Macmillan UK, where I started in 1994 as Fiction Editor, moving fairly rapidly to Senior Editor, then Editorial Director, then Publishing Director of Fiction - and finally in about 2005 to Publishing Director of the whole of Macmillan Children’s Books, which published 200 titles per year, from preschool novelty books right through to sophisticated teenage fiction under the YPicador imprint, which I was instrumental in launching.  I was on the Board of the business and led a large team of editors, so divided my time between senior management and hands-on editing, which I never completely let go.  Here are some of the authors I worked with and published:  Judy Blume, Meg Cabot (I acquired her for the UK and Commonwealth and developed the Princess Diaries series when Harper US had only bought one book; you’ll find my name in some dedications!), Sharon Creech, Karen Cushman, Carolyn Coman, Caroline B Cooney, Cynthia Voigt, Gary Paulsen, Coleen Murtagh Paratore, Carl Hiaasen and David Baldacci (children’s novels); Philip Pullman, Eva Ibbotson, Robert Westall, Lian Hearn, Celia Rees, Frank Cottrell Boyce, Geri Halliwell (yes, I worked with a Spice Girl!), Frances Hardinge - oh, and so many more. Earlier years also took in Terry Pratchett and Jacqueline Wilson (one of Britain’s bestselling children’s authors).

So what are my credentials within the USA?  Well, I was very much an international publisher - as many senior publishers are these days in our big, globalized publishing industry.  Apart from the bookfairs and other international trade events, I made many trips to New York in my London days, and helped to forge close relationships with American sister companies and other US lists. Many of my best publishing buddies are in the States, which has given me a wonderful platform on which to build now I live over here.  When you come from a very strong publishing background you become known - and it’s been really exciting to see how enormously keen publishers have been to find out what the Greenhouse has to offer (and also, I have to say, whom I have chosen to represent). The great thing about being a former publisher is that you know the business intimately, how it works, its culture, and I am finding that depth of experience incredibly helpful as I work with authors in this new way.

So that’s a brief snapshot of many years of my history.  But here’s what I really think of as my ‘track record’:  I know the dream, and I understand the dream.  The dream of one day finding your name in print; of sharing your creativity with the world; of seeing your talent recognized and appreciated.  I understand the thrill, the heartbreak, the frustration, the hope, the desperately hard (and always solitary) work that goes into achieving that dream.  And, quite frankly, the sacrifice (and not always just for you, the author, but also your loved ones).  Representing authors is for me a vocation, not just a business. It’s my passion and my joy. But I can’t do it for the many; I can only do it for the very, very few.  And if I take a few weeks to get back to you, and my note is short, I hope you will be forgiving. I’m doing my best, but you are not the only one who is writing to me. I try to give what I can to everyone, but inevitably it won’t be that much for the many.

Cheers, folks, and now it’s time to knock off and cook the dinner!

Most mornings, the Greenhouse Husband and I encounter each other while making strange faces at ourselves in the bathroom mirror as we brush our teeth. Every single morning for the past week, the GH has chortled the same thing at me: ‘I WAS TOLD THERE’D BE CAKE!’ And then he laughs uproariously - or uproariously as one can, through a mouthful of toothpaste foam.

Now this strange sentence could easily be explained by the fact that both the GH and I have forsworn our most favourite food - enormous muffins - for some months now, with excellent results around the waistline. But this isn’t, in fact, the explanation.  I WAS TOLD THERE’D BE CAKE is actually the title of a book of funny essays, by someone whose first name is also quite strange (Sloane!). The GH hasn’t read this book, and he hasn’t even ordered it yet off Amazon (though given his massive raiding parties on Amazon’s stock, and the numbers of UPS boxes that turn up on our driveway, it can only be a matter of time). The point is - just the title alone has made the GH aware of this book, sure he’d love it, and desperate to get his hands on it.  Nuff said?

You’re probably aware already of my bossy little lectures about the importance of every word you write - that each one should be carefully considered and in absolutely the right place for the effect you’re striving to create. But I wonder how many of you put that same amount of thought and time into your chosen title? Because if you don’t, you must!  A great title will be your greatest ally, creating a strong impression before your reader even opens the cover (or the email query!). A bad title will go a long way to dooming you from the start, because the reader is going to have to overcome their negativity even to get as far as your first word.  That’s OK if your reader is Sarah D. of the Greenhouse (because she sees beyond the immediate); but if your reader has no particular reason to read YOUR work, as opposed to someone else’s, then you are in trouble. 

Imagine you’re in a bookstore.  You are browsing - open to buying anything that catches your fancy.  What are the factors that determine your choice (let’s presume you haven’t read any reviews recently):  jacket image; jacket copy; title.  At the stage most of you are at (ie, unpublished) you can’t produce either of the first two to impress.  But you CAN impress with the third - your title. So what makes a cracking good one?

First of all, you need to be very sure whom your market is. Male or female?  Both genders?  And what age group? 5-7; 8-12; 12+ (ie. teen)?  Think hard about WHO is going to be reading your book and what kinds of things will interest and excite that readership. 

Secondly, what genre are you writing in?  Is your story lyrical and literary?  Is it adventurous and mysterious? Dark and supernatural? Quirky and funny?  Is it all about teenage girls doing chick-litty kinds of things?  Whatever, your title should give the reader a clear idea of what kind of book they are going to get when they start reading, so there’s no doubt and no disappointment. The title is one of the weapons in your writer’s armoury, so go use it!

I shall be honest with you:  the titles I see in my submissions are pretty weird and wonderful - and not always in a good way.  A few have clearly been pondered very seriously.  But there are more that make me feel the author has just shoved whatever title first came to mind on to their work.  A good title is enough to make me single something out and read it.  It’s almost enough to make me want to represent that author. Yes, I’m quite serious here - because I am looking all the time for commercial potential and a great title gives commerciality a big jump-start. The other day I told a New York scout about a book I’m representing; on the strength of the title alone she said she wanted to see it. I rest my case.

So let’s be a little interractive and have some fun!  I’ve given you a great book title to start us off. I WAS TOLD THERE’D BE CAKE tells you instantly the book will be quirky, idiosyncratic and contemporary. Spot on! Lauren Myracle’s RHYMES WITH WITCHES is funny, clever, and tells you it’s for teen girls (and about not very nice ones). THE PRINCESS DIARIES does exactly what it says on the tin (to quote an ad for Ronseal) - which can also be a very good thing, especially for high-concept fiction.

So now it’s your turn.  Send me titles you’ve seen that you think work particularly well - and tell me why. 

Titles are great! They can be clever, funny, powerful, sexy, intriguing, dark . . . and they can sell your work to the max. So go use your titles.  They’re an author’s best friend!

Never make a promise you can’t keep or it’ll come back and bite you. That’s what I’ve learnt, having declaimed to a London colleague a couple of weeks ago that ‘When I sell THE BOY WHO FELL DOWN EXIT 43 I shall dance naked in the moonlight in the back yard, singing The Star Spangled Banner’.  Yes, well, before you all leap into your vehicles and head over here to witness this particularly scary Rite of Spring, I shall move speedily on and distract you with the exciting details of my past two days.

THE BOY WHO FELL DOWN EXIT 43 (I’m a sucker for a good title, and this one charmed me from the getgo) and its debut author, Harriet Goodwin, crossed my path last Fall, in that strange limbo time before I crossed the Pond. Harriet was part of my transition as I unpacked boxes, wondered how to find the supermarket, and pondered the madness of ever thinking I could land in the USA and create a business from a standing start (thus testing out all notions of the American Dream). Let me tell you, Harriet is a top trooper and once again I put her through an editorial process roughly akin to the rack, that bone-stretching device much favoured by medieval British torture experts in dank dungeons.  But Harriet never flinched, and gradually EXIT 43 developed and grew - and Harriet found her voice (in fact, I shall capitalize that - Voice) and her writing confidence. Her quirky premise took on new dimensions and we started to get excited.

The publishing industry can move the speed of a moribund snail, so we’ve done a lot of twiddling our thumbs and watching paint dry in the submission process. But Wednesday everything sprang suddenly into life; up popped two offers within minutes of each other, flashing from my Blackberry like beacons. A moment of total, utter sweetness as I stood there and knew that Harriet was going to be published; that a fantastic dream was going to come true.  Now, two days later, the deal’s been finalized, and I’ve sold UK and Commonwealth rights to EXIT 43 in a two-book deal to Stripes in Britain.  Stripes is the new fiction imprint (18 months old) of wonderful full-colour company Magi, and the sister company of the high-profile Little Tiger.  EXIT 43 will be a lead title (illustrated with maps and line drawings) on the Stripes list in Fall 2009 and I know Harriet’s going to have a ball, not least with all the publicity they have planned for her. On the back of this deal I’ll be submitting later in the US, and we can now pick up the foreign interest that’s already come in. 

THE BOY WHO FELL DOWN EXIT 43 is a middlegrade story with a great premise:  12-year-old Finn Oliver will never come to terms with the death of his father, but he finds a few minutes of forgetting as he joyrides over the moors in the family’s beat-up old car. The car slides out of control and Finn is catapulted - not to his death, but down Exit 43 into the Underworld.  The Underworld is peopled with the Dead - funny, strange, crazy and downright scary - who tell Finn that their world is threatened by the rain and storms that batter the Other Side.  Only an ancient prophecy can save them - that one day a mortal child will join forces with a child of the Underworld to rescue the fabled Firepearl.  Finn is definitely mortal - and Jessie, a Victorian girl with a broken neck, is definitely dead.  And now the scene is set for a particularly weird and wonderful journey to the centre of the Earth! 

So I’ll be down in the back yard tonight, flitting like a wood nymph through the trees in a dance of celebration.  Or maybe not. Maybe I’ll just crack open a bottle of vino and raise a glass to Harriet, who stepped into the Greenhouse when it had absolutely nothing to show for itself other than an airplane ticket and a computer in a box.  Cheers to you, Harriet, enjoy your time in the sun, and many congratulations!

So I’m approaching the end of a week where I spent a lot of time on your queries and submissions. Can you imagine what this aspect of agenting is like?  Come into the Greenhouse with me and I’ll show you!

I open my inbox and look up the list - it feels vertiginously high. So many names, titles - and pleas. At times 25 per day arriving; 10 while I sleep (from other timezones). For every one I deal with, more instantly appear, sliding into my ether insistently and urgently.  So many people for whom this means so much, and who will open my response with both hope and dread. For each one, they are the ONLY one - none of the others matter. Writing is a solitary business, and in that first interface between author and agent no one else can go there for you. Yes, it’s quite a responsibility and not one I take lightly. 

I click on the first message and scan it rapidly - digesting the ‘query’ as it has come to be called.  I don’t see a query - I see and hear a person trying to communicate the essence of what may have taken them months or even years to create. Usually they’ve told me too much - paragraphs of content, a story that in paraphrase is unwieldy, so much to absorb quickly and with my eye on so many things:  Is this a great concept? Who is it aimed at?  Is there a market?  Is it derivative? And what does the literary task of query-writing tell me about the author? Usually a great deal. Some are sloppy, some are charming, some are desperate, some can’t spell . . . but others are masterpieces of precision. But this isn’t about the query email. No first novel was ever bought (or represented) on a query; this is all about the writing.  And as I click on the attachment (or scroll down to text) there is nowhere to hide - not in the courses you’ve taken, or even the prizes you’ve won.  This is me, the reader, responding to the impact that your first few pages will make - and in that, I mirror the editors you would encounter at publishing houses, and ultimately the young person who needs a reason to choose your work off a shelf rather than someone else’s. There is no grand conspiracy to shut new authors out of the publishing industry - it’s a business desperate for new talent, hungry as a vampire for fresh blood. And every submission I open could be the one; the one that will make me slowly take my feet off the desk and sit up, nerve-ends sizzling with excitement.

So what are the rules for all this?  Yes, you guessed it. There ARE no rules - but there are some really reliable suggestions. Here are just three:

1. SHOW DON’T TELL
You’ll find this in my Top Tips and I recommend that you tattoo it on your forehead, wear it on a sign around your neck, so you will never forget.  Because a huge proportion of submissions I read fall at this hurdle.  If you (or your characters) just tell the reader all about everything - the world you’ve created, your characters, what they think and feel - it will inevitably feel dull, dull, dull. Instead, try to let your world come to life in a more nuanced way, from the inside out, letting your characters SHOW for themselves what they feel, how they respond, what their lives are like. You can achieve this in so many ways - by the language you use, the expression on your character’s face, their mannerisms . . .  Let your characters bring themselves to life so they practically burst off the page - don’t just TELL the reader about them.  Work on this and you’ll improve your writing massively, I promise.

2. THE MOVIE OF THE MIND
Yes, reading is the movie playing in your mind. That visualization is a magical process, so don’t break the spell. You want to make it really, really hard for the reader to quit.  So be careful to avoid clunky phrasing, repeated words, writing that lacks rhythm.  Shut your eyes, sit back and let yourself hear the cadence of what you’ve written. Care about every word you write - nothing should be redundant or ill-considered; your spell needs to be woven with every word.  There’s a great review quote (quite possibly, though I guess not necessarily, written by a woman!) on the cover of the UK edition of Jennifer Donnelly’s A GATHERING LIGHT:  ‘If George Clooney had walked into the room I would have told him to come back later when I’d finished.’ Could the same be said about YOUR writing? (If George doesn’t light your fire, I’ll let you replace him with Angelina or Jessica . . . )

3. A GOOD IDEA FOR A STORY IS THE ONE YOU *HAVE* TO TELL
Now quite a few people seem to think a good idea is broadly one that is selling rather successfully right now. Folks, you’ll have to do better than that.  The best idea for you is going to be the one that you totally fall in love with telling.  Start with the passion and work forwards.  Worry less about marketability.  There are some really quirky books that have gone on to do very well. Who’d have thought of Sharon Creech’s LOVE THAT DOG or Guus Kuijer’s sublime little novella THE BOOK OF EVERYTHING (Arthur Levine Books US/ Querido in Netherlands). In fact, the market LOVES work that is distinct and different. What is YOUR story and how are you going to tell it?  Don’t be in a hurry to send off your query; regard yourself as a writer first of all, a reader secondly, and only thirdly a submitter (thanks to Andrew Karre of Flux for that little one). How long did it take Joshua Bell to learn to play the violin? I rest my case. You are a student of the art of writing; this is going to be a long, long apprenticeship.

So what has the ‘jewel box’ of my title got to do with all this?  Well, before you is a box of treasures - richly sparkling gems.  Those gems are words - vibrant, potent, limitless in wealth and possibility.  Pick them up and handle them; roll them around and watch the light shine through them; catch that deeply resonant colour as it illuminates everything before it.  Fall in love with language; weave your emeralds, rubies and diamonds into magic.  And I promise you, I won’t log off when I find your name in my inbox.

Yes, it’s been LIBF this week. For those new to the international trade circuit, that’s the London International Book Fair - a seething hurly-burly of an event at Earls Court that brings together all the publishing/selling community, including a fair number of Americans who make the trek over (no doubt to wonder where their dollars have gone as they deal with London prices!). This year I didn’t need to attend - much more important for me to be here building my client list. But my Rights People posse were of course flying the Greenhouse flag at LIBF, and it’s been great to see that Alex has finalized fabulous deals in Germany, Italy and France (all top houses) for DEVIL’S KISS.  Oh, and we’re also expecting Brazil and Greece to follow in the next few days. That’s the first crop - rights sales can take several months (or even longer) to come in from the smaller territories, so I’m sure we’ll reach a substantial figure by the time it’s all done.

I love the international side of this business. My publishing training (at a house that put huge emphasis on foreign markets) really drilled into me the importance of a global vision, and that’s what I love most: finding projects that I believe have the ‘legs’ to work in many different territories. Of course not all books will work in all places - and you can find great success by being a bestseller in even one market - but there’s no doubt that you hit the jackpot when you’re wanted all over the world.

So that’s why I’ve spent the week so far working editorially on a project which fits that description. I take the view that if I love an author and I’m going to try to get them a deal, then I’m going to get them the very BEST deal I can. And that means work! Because I want as many editors as possible to fall in love with the writing - and that means getting it as finished as possible.  There are editors out there who see potential and are prepared to put in creative time and vision; but it’s often hard to get houses to commit without showing them something reasonably polished. It’s all too easy for them to reject a manuscript because it’s just too much work to get it into shape.  So, at moments like these I slip very comfortably back into ‘editor mode’ to work closely on texts - and what fun that is. The best writers (and I don’t necessarily mean the most experienced) are those who can take your suggestions and burst back with something much better, funnier, cleverer than you had thought of; who use your comments as a springboard for fresh ideas of their own.  And that’s when you can see a writer really develop and find their wings. Now THAT is exciting! 

This kind of agenting is very time-consuming and I know I can’t work with many people in this way, so I also want to find the ‘ready-to-go’ manuscripts too. Somehow that’s a lot harder and I’d love to be able to write editorial reports for a lot of people, as I see great ideas that could be fantasic if they were deconstructed and rebuilt with a sharper focus.

So what is the kind of story that can work in different markets?  Well, I’d say that ‘high-concept’ ones are likely to be contenders - a really clear, fresh, sharply focused storyline that reaches beyond its geographical setting.  Yes, paranormal romance is doing well as a genre, but there’s an awful lot out there (and more coming all the time), so if you’re venturing into that area it’s really got to leap off the page. Most of all, in whatever genre you choose, it’s the WRITING that counts (can I emphasize that 50 times over?). The ability to make the reader see things in a wholly new way, to feel strong emotions, to ‘see’ your characters so clearly that they become real.  This kind of writing is genre- and territory-busting and it’s what everyone is crying out for - whether they live in Birmingham, England, or Birmingham, Alabama. Or even Brazil.

Happy writing, folks!

Well, I thought I’d give you all something to grin about at the start of your day, whether it is spent glued to a corporate chair or hard at work on the manuscript which you hope will change your life.

There was once a literary agent who had various anxieties in her life:  the biggest one being the vast inbox of submissions that loomed before her like an Everest of decision-making.  Oh, how well she knew that if she stepped carelessly on those submissions, she stepped on precious dreams.  In order to Get Ahead and maximise the absence out of town of the Husband (fear not, the agent was guarded at all times by a huge, slavering Hound who never left her side), the agent decided to rise particularly early one morning and attack the pile.  Clad in new red Vera Wang robe and itsy-bitsy golden ballet slippers, she skipped downstairs, flicking the switch on the coffee machine en route to letting the Hound out of the back door. But oh dear - the Hound had problems descending the slippery steps!  The agent went outside to assist - only to hear the door click shut behind her. Locked! Bolted! Impenetrable! 

Alone with Hound, the agent deliberated - what to do?  6.15am, 40 degrees, and not a neighbour (or not the only neighbour with a key) stirring! Nothing to be done but to tough it out, manifesting the spirit that once made the British Empire great. So the agent sat down on the cold concrete step, reassured the Hound that breakfast milkbones would one day be forthcoming, and waited. And waited. And waited - as tentacles of cold inched their way into her rapidly freezing bones.  There was much to think about on that step:  Is it better to look only for fully formed manuscripts (like the agent’s many competitors) or work creatively with authors in the gamble of reaching a great submission together?  How to help authors realize that finding an agent isn’t the end of the rainbow - it’s only the beginning? What is going to be the next big thing in children’s/YA fiction in the US and UK markets?  It’s amazing the things you delve into when your rear end is frozen off at the crack of dawn.

Eventually the cold became too bad for any rational thought, so the agent made an innovative decision (much akin to those set out in Gary Paulsen’s novel of survival in the wild - HATCHET). She set off (surreptitiously, creeping through the undergrowth - what girl wants to be seen clad only in Vera Wang and a pair of ballet pumps?) towards the road, making a rapid grab on the morning’s papers.  After all, we all know the value of newsprint - and I don’t mean in terms of articles on super-delegates.  Safely back at her step again, she took the papers out of their little plastic bags (one blue, one white) and put the bags on her feet as socks.  Then she fashioned a Batman cape out of the Style section of the New York Times and hunkered back down, revelling in something that could almost be termed warmth (or at least a reprieve from hypothermia). Didn’t we always know there was much to learn from people living rough in London and New York?

The roar of school buses alerted the agent to a world gradually awakening and she set off once more, this time to the neighbour’s front porch (helpfully gathering up HIS newspapers as a peace offering) where she sat in his rocking chair until a movement in the window alerted her to the presence of humanity. Yesssss! A quick ring on the door bell and baffled-looking neighbour appeared - clearly perturbed and somewhat mesmerized by the sight of a mad-looking female, hair standing on end and clad in Vera, the New York Times and plastic-bag socks - proffering him his Wall Street Journal.

A few words of explanation and all is understood. Ah yes, of course!  It’s the British lady - well, we all know she’s unusual anyway because she speaks funny, so what can you expect?

It’s amazing what excuses an agent can find to avoid the submissions inbox, isn’t it.  And, well, there’s always another day - isn’t there?

Enjoy your day, everyone. And wrap up warm.

Here’s a travel recipe to have your head flying off somewhere in space:  sleep for 4 hours (waking in panic at intervals, sure you’ve missed the plane), get up at 5.45am, fly from Bologna to Munich, then from Munich to Washington DC - seated next to a three-month-old baby, and attended by two evil stewardesses who would have fitted well in the Russian gulag. Yes, that was my day yesterday. But here I am, more or less seated at my desk again and more or less raring to go!
Bologna was a blast; I wish I could have blogged from there, but sadly the pace is much too frenzied and you really don’t get near a computer.  I know some of you would love to go to the fair, so here’s what it’s like . . . Imagine lots of enormous warehouses/exhibition halls side by side, with grassy bits and benches in between, where people can stroll or sit and munch a hasty panini. In these halls just about every children’s publisher, packager etc etc in the world has a stand, with all the agents up in the Agents’ Centre at tables or in booths. If you’re an English speaker chances are you’ll spend most time in Halls 25 and 26, with occasional forays into the European areas. Everyone creates their own schedules, but most (like me) start at 9am and go through till 5.30 with appointments every half-hour (yes, that’s about 17 sessions per day), pitching your wares to all kinds of people. For me as a transatlantic agent, my time was divided between US and UK publishers, scouts from both territories, and movie people.  Then there’s all the unscheduled meetings you have with old friends/colleagues/book cronies as you bump into them, heading rapidly to grab a cappuccino or stand in the endless bathroom queue. Yes, there’s a lot of hugging and kissing and some great reunions! The children’s industry is very small, so you tend to rediscover people in different incarnations - and lots of people were pretty interested in mine! I was pleased to be interviewed by Publishers Weekly, and the UK’s Bookseller and Publishing News. Not bad!

Come the end of the day, you head for a bus or taxi and bomb back to your hotel for (if you’re very lucky) a short rest, a change of clothes, then it’s out for drinks and dinner in one of the town’s glorious restaurants - again, either hosting or being hosted.  I had various good evenings - with Harper US and UK, and with Pocket Jeunesse from Paris, plus a great drinks party thrown by Egmont US and UK in a fabulous old building converted into a contemporary bar.  After too much great food and prosecco, you head ‘home’ to your hotel (rarely before midnight and often a good deal later), ready to fall into a coma for a few hours and start the whole thing again early next morning. Your jaw feels like it’s about to fall off after countless hours of talking, and your feet develop strange blisters from the walking, but it’s all an incredible experience. Bologna is a truly beautiful city - 16th century palazzi (is that the plural of palazzo?), the lovely old Piazza Maggiore, ancient little cobbled and colonnaded streets, top-end designer shops - and somehow even the bus drivers look like they’ve just stepped out of an Armani ad (how do Italians DO that?). And yet there’s a dark underside too: tons of graffiti, pickpocketing. But I still love it there.

So, it’s back to work now, in earnest.  I had lots of great comments about my authors and projects and I’m looking forward to following up - and of course to finding those new gems.  As one scout said to me, ‘It’s all a question of finding that must-have book’ - and that’s what it takes.  It’s got to be MUST-HAVE for a publisher; something they simply can’t bear to turn down.  With issues like the decline of the hardback in the UK and exchange-rate headaches, everyone’s under pressure and every dollar, pound or euro spent must be justified.

A small addendum.  Apologies to anyone who spotted the sordid spam that appeared on my blog in my absence.  I was mad as a hornet about it, and immediately contacted the web designers to clean things up.  Sadly, this does now mean I shall have to ‘moderate’ what appears on the blog. Don’t stop writing comments (please!) but I now have to veto them before allowing them to appear.  Isn’t it a pain? There’s always someone out there with abusive intentions, which is a great shame.

Back to my reading now - if I can overcome the jetlag for another few hours!  It’s good to be home.

Can I actually cope with any more triumphs? Well yes, I can, though I also have a wish right now to lie down in a sunlit field and just watch the clouds float by.  You know that feeling?
This morning I achieved my final challenge to being a true Virginia resident: YESSSSS, I passed my driving test! I wasn’t going to mention it, just in case I failed (you see, I too fear failure). Not having been tested since I was 17 back in London, it was weirdly stressful, not to mention a bit arduous memorizing that huge manual. I’m now an expert on parking distances from fire hydrants and curfew laws for under 18s.  So all this required a stop-off for a celebratory cappuccino (double shot) and a very sizeable muffin before returning to finish up a few bits of work before packing to leave for London tomorrow. I’ll be spending Easter with my family (I miss my two lovely sons like mad) before heading off to Bologna via Prague. Tough job, but somebody has to do it.

However, need I tell you that there’s already been something else to celebrate today?  The DEVIL’S KISS deal is up on Publishers Marketplace as ‘deal of the day’ and the Bookseller in the UK is including it in their pre-fair highlights.  Things like this are a real gift, and the foreign rights buzz is getting even louder. Oh, in case you wanted to know - the book sold to Hyperion in the US and Puffin in the UK; those lists share a number of major authors, including Eoin Colfer, Rick Riordan and Charlie Higson’s YOUNG BOND.  They’re a great match which is one of the reasons I’m so pleased at the outcome.  They’ll be publishing in different ways:  the hardback is pretty dead in Britain at the moment, hence Puffin’s going straight into paperback original, whereas Hyperion is going out in hardback first. It’ll be fascinating to watch the two different publishing visions unfold, and I’m meeting with Hyperion’s Donna Bray and Puffin’s Francesca Dow in Bologna to talk further.

But now I’d like to highlight two other authors I’m working with:  I’m not going to name them because I believe in lock-down privacy until an author gets a deal.  Let’s just call them Author X and Author Y. They are both female, both incredibly talented, and both incredibly different.  Author X weaves words like cobwebs; she’s a master (mistress?) of lyrical language of whom Han Nolan has said: ‘She’s a born writer. Her language feels so fresh, clean and spare - just perfect.’ I take a deep breath before I say anything to her about her work because my big boots could trample the beauty of her language and vision.  I salute your talent, Author X; keep the faith.  Author Y is brand new to me - and it’s been a highlight of my week that she chose me, the Greenhouse, instead of a New York super-agency.  I am humbled. Author Y is one of the sharpest, funniest voices I’ve read since I found Meg Cabot for the UK (and believed PRINCESS DIARIES would make a series) in 2001.  But Author Y has another gift too - for honing in on the moment of emotional truth, and that makes her so much more than just ‘another’ writer for pre-teen and teen girls.  Way to go, Author Y.

I love my authors so much it is really quite embarrassing. They have demanding day jobs, demanding kids, pressured lives - but somehow they put so much into their writing.

If you could hold on to your submissions until I’m back (preferably till mid-April) I’d appreciate it or my computer could spontaneously combust.  Apologies to those who will/have waited more than 6 weeks to hear from me. I’ve been doing way too many 12-hour days and I can’t keep up with the amount pouring in. I dream of an assistant.  Meanwhile I wish you all a lovely Easter. 

I’m snatching a moment from a hectic day, just to reassure you that I haven’t gone AWOL. In fact, the truth couldn’t be further from that.  This past week has been the most exciting since launch of the Greenhouse - because what I can now proudly announce to you is . . . the agency’s very first deal!  And what a deal it is. My debut author Sarwat Chadda, with whom I’ve been working since last Fall, has sold his first novel,THE DEVIL’S KISS plus a sequel, in a very major two-book deal for North America/Canada and UK/Commonwealth.  What is even more exciting about it is that it’s gone to different publishers in each territory, but with the deals done virtually simultaneously (well, with a weekend in between).  To respect the houses involved, I’ll not name them until I have their go-ahead and we’ve worked out a joint announcement, but I’m really hoping that can happen pre-Bologna, which will increase the already very substantial interest in foreign and movie rights.

It’s been a great journey for Sarwat and I since he joined the Greenhouse as, in fact, the agency’s very first signed client.  I saw his manuscript first when it was in its early stages, but after that came a long period of revision when Sarwat was incredibly resilient in the face of my editorial batterings.  Completely unfazed he turned around and virtually began again, restructuring, rewriting and coming up with all manner of great ideas and characters that were completely fresh.  He has been working on DEVIL’S KISS a long time now, but the version he completed a short while ago shows his transformation into a real writer and that has been the most exciting thing of all.  So now he begins another journey - to publication and beyond, and I can’t wait to see the next stage unfold.  In a way, it’s been a perfect example of the Greenhouse at work:  a British author living in the UK; me, his agent, living in the States; deals done at the same time in both markets at the same time,so he has leading (and equal) publishers on both continents.  Of course, that isn’t going to work for every author but it certainly worked out great this time. 

THE DEVIL’S KISS is a big, pacy, blockbusting YA novel that fits into the dark,supernatural genre but with a fresh twist.  Fifteen-year-old Billi SanGreal is co-opted (against her will) into the modern-day remnant of the Knights Templar by her father, the Grandmaster. She’s the first girl ever to be a Templar - and no wonder, given her life is an arduous round of weapons’ practice, occult lore and a heck of a lot of bruises. Billi would happily settle for being a normal high-school girl rather than secret warrior out to defeat the Unholy. Into the mix comes Michael - gorgeous, seductive and undeniably dangerous. But Michael isn’t just a heartbreaker, he’s an archangel with terrifying agenda. As the Templars ready for combat, Billi’s destiny becomes interwoven with that of Michael. Now she must choose who she wants to be. If she chooses the path of a true Templar, living out her terrifying heritage, it will destroy everything that matters to her.  And there are some things, as Billi discovers, that are much, much worse than death . . .

So I give Sarwat huge congratulations and wish him all the very best for his future as he now gets to know his new publishers.  And I’m embarking on the process of negotiating contracts and setting things up for a smooth run through to publication.  Plus of course I’m working closely with my other authors and doing my absolute utmost to achieve outcomes as satisfying as Sarwat’s. Every manuscript is different, every author is different - but one thing’s for sure:  if there’s a living, breathing way I can get my authors a good deal, a changed life, a dream that turns into reality, then I’m going to bust a gut to do it.

Hurrah from a weary, but definitely excited Sarah and the Greenhouse!

I have had a realization:  that I tend to use the same phrases again and again when I’m working with writers - because these principles are true for everyone who wants to create a fabulous and special novel.  I therefore offer them to you now:

1. SQUEEZE THE JUICE FROM THE FRUIT
Extract the absolute maximum from your plot and characters - and from all the special moments in your story. Make me really weep; make me laugh uproariously; make me empathize with and love your characters; amaze me with the depths and layers of your plotting; leave me desolate when I have to turn the final page because no other story I read will ever be as rich or satisfying.  Pretend you’re Jamie Oliver (or your own favourite celebrity chef):  concoct a recipe, stick your fictional orange in the juicer and start extracting!

2. LOOSE AS A GOOSE
This is a phrase that was used of British tennis player Tim Henman when he was playing at this best - those moments when he finally unclenched, lost his self-awareness, and just whacked the ball with panache and freedom. At those moments, self-defeating Tim could beat anyone!  So, lay aside your anxious notions of marketability, your crippling self-doubt, and yell ‘What the heck!’ Then start writing the story you long to tell, poured out with fire and passion. To corrupt the inspirational greetings card I saw in Wholefoods today:  What would you write if you knew you could not fail?

3. RECALCULATING! 
I’ve already told you about the Greenhouse Mini Cooper.  Well, my best friend is Mrs Garmin - the nice but fierce lady who lives in my Garmin GPS and tells me where she thinks I should go.  Occasionally I disobey Mrs Garmin because I know my route is better than hers. Then there will be an ominous silence and Mrs Garmin will say, in disapproving tones: RECALCULATING! RECALCULATING!  In the same way, if your story isn’t going in a way that feels right to you, take stock and change direction.  If necessary, start right over again.  It ain’t easy, but sometimes recalculating is the absolutely right way to go!

4. THE STRAPLINE TEST
We’ve all seen movie posters that ‘sell’ the movie with a couple of lines of sharp copy.  Two lines is just about the amount of space an editor will get when she sums up a novel for the inhouse catalogue; it’s the amount of time a sales rep will get when she sells a novel into Brains & Noble. Can you sum up your story in a pithy and engaging way in just two lines?  Try it and see.  If you can, it will reveal to you what the heart of your story really is. And when you’ve found it, work that angle to the max.  In fact, refer to #1 JUICING THE FRUIT for details.

So, forget for once that this is an impossible, capricious, mercurial, heartbreaking business where the good are not necessarily rewarded.  Get writing - and have a bit of fun! What’s the worst that can happen?

Who knew an agent’s life was so sleep-deprived?  Pardon me if I just rest my eyes a moment (zzzzzz).  Fact is, there’s been a lot of midnight-oil-burning down at the Greenhouse this week:  sitting at my desk wading through your manuscripts while the rest of the civilized world is comfortably watching CSI MIAMI with a glass of wine. Actually, I’m not quite telling you the full truth - because there has been rather a lot more going on this week, with early-morning calls to London at one end of the day, and Hollywood producers engaging me in somewhat surreal conversations (featuring phrases like ‘attaching talent packages’ at the other).  It’s all go in my time-zone in the middle!
I’m not going to tell you one word about most of what I’ve been doing this week (there are times and places to spill beans), so I shall pick up a few things from your submissions that made me groan, wince, or smile over the last few days - as always, in the interests of your Higher Good. I do not mean to be unkind.  Here are some things to consider when submitting to the Greenhouse:
1. Cut and Paste:  this is an evil device which can trap the unwary.  If you are cutting and pasting your query or material into an email to send to lots of different people, make sure you actually address it to the right person. That is, me. Also, make sure you know I am an agent as opposed to anything else (like a publisher).  I guess I’d like to believe you have taken a lot of time and care to choose me, rather than sending just the same thing to 2,657 other people in the Writers Handbook; please allow me my small self-delusion!
2. Famous People:  do not liken your work to that of Philip Pullman, JK Rowling, Madeline L’Engle - or any other great writing star.  You doom yourself and me to certain disappointment because they are great simply because they are GREAT! And anyway, we already have a Pullman and a Rowling and a L’Engle. What I want is YOU - if you are brilliant.
3. Gentlemen (especially): do not adopt a flirtatious tone in order to win me over to your proposed novel.  This is not a dating agency and no, we are not a ‘match made in heaven’.  There is no clever way around the ruthless laser-beam of my totally idiosyncratic and personal literary judgements.
4. Plots:  You know, the standard of what I’m seeing is mostly pretty high; so many of you are very serious about your writing.  BUT - I lose count of the number of manuscripts I’m seeing that feature a school or home-based scenario, a bullied kid or one who doesn’t fit in/isn’t attractive enough.  In a sense there ARE no new plots, but if you’re going to write in areas that everyone else is writing in, it’s going to be very hard to stand out; you need to shine like a star.  I’d encourage you to cast your net wider and really work for a new plot angle. I don’t know exactly how you do that - but that’s why I’m an agent and not an author.
5. The Volte-Face:  If I turn down your work, don’t write straight back to me saying that actually you knew it was pretty awful, but you’ve improved a lot since you wrote that version and now you can do better.  If it isn’t the absolutely best work you’ve ever done and fervently believe you’ll ever do, don’t send it to me. Wait until it IS something that epitomises your skills.

I hope this helps. I’m trying to write you back a line or two of feedback, but it’s testing my stamina with 100+ coming in each week. I really don’t want to have to change my submission guidelines, so once again I’d say - please just send me work that is fully critiqued.

And by the way:  here’s a thought to leave you with.  Would any of you like me to run a Greenhouse writing seminar one day?  Hmm, now THAT’S a fun thought!

Happy weekend writing! (And yes, I am going to write a piece on the differences between the US and UK markets.  Thanks to my correspondent for nudging me.)