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Internet perils (especially regarding underpants)

So it seems that the moral of the week (in the US, at least) is this: if you are going to send pictures of your undergarments around the internet, make sure they aren’t grey and distinctly unstylish.

I’ve found myself transfixed by this very contemporary, cautionary tale of personal and professional disaster. When we pass a highway pile-up, we have to fight that strange urge to slow down and look. Why? Perhaps because we need to reassert that we’re gloriously, mysteriously alive – and that today was not OUR day to die. And when I saw that a guy who appears to be smart, intelligent, destined for success, could be brought down by clicking on the wrong little box on Twitter – Reply rather than Direct Message – it made me exhale with relief. It wasn’t me. But it could have been – and it could have been you.

Doh, I don’t mean we’re all tempted to send knicker-pictures to virtual strangers. I’m not talking about morality or indecency or misuse of government equipment. I’m just saying, we are all only a click away from making idiots of ourselves online.

I’ve not yet made a huge, walloping, catastrophic online blunder, but I’ve been very close to those who have. Like a colleague some years ago, whose pod was just across the aisle from mine. When a pompous, bossy senior manager sent out one of her famous ‘all user’ emails – telling everyone off for some misdemeanor – he wrote a stunningly rude response, intended for close friends. Only problem was – he clicked Reply instead of Forward. Ever seen the Ride of the Valkyrie approaching you?

Or what about the publisher of great repute who forwarded an email to colleagues telling them what she REALLY thought about this particular author and his manuscript. Only she didn’t – Forward, I mean. One mouse click in the wrong spot and her diatribe went straight back to the (very sensitive) author.

But it gets worse, doesn’t it. Because now we can shoot off 140-character streams of consciousness any place and any time, thanks to Blackberry and iPhone apps, or Twittelator for iPad. Buttering a bagel? Refilling your wine glass? Taking a break from washing the car? Bam, we’ve clicked and it’s gone. But how much were we concentrating and which box did we click?

Some time ago, Greenhouse turned down a potential client because of their online profile. [Now you’re all thinking IT WAS ME! Because I understand writerly paranoia, I’ll just say it was some time in the last 3 years, and the writer came from either North America or UK/Commonwealth. So no point trying to guess!] The individual in question wrote well, but what they were saying online was scary – angry, bitter, neurotic, and needy. If you’re going public about how much you hate your life and most people in it, how might you treat your agent if we don’t delight you every minute of every day?

Then there’s the writer who announced online that they’d already got EIGHT full manuscripts out with agents (so why should I bother to ask for it? The others got there before me), and the one who documented every one of her multitudinous rejections (and then sent me a query). Folks, you’ve got to be careful.

If you blog, you aren’t dropping a line to your best friend or confiding in a private journal. You are putting yourself permanently into the ether for agents and editors to find you. The internet octopus has long tentacles, very few degrees of separation lie between us, and even if someone doesn’t Follow you, they may Follow me, and so on.

I’m ambivalent about social networking. I love it for its fun, its companionship, and the easy-reach information it provides. I’ve signed at least one client because of Facebook, and I owe it for the return of my beautiful coat, lost at Bologna airport and returned thanks to a friendship sustained by FB.

I enjoy seeing what’s happening on Twitter. Standing at a Departures board in a deserted airport late at night, thousands of miles from family and home, a Tweet from an acquaintance can feel like a hand reaching out from some great existential loneliness.

But it makes me nervous too. I get antsy when scores of people I’ve never seen or heard of want to Friend me on Facebook. How should I feel about strangers scrolling through my family photos? Am I right to be wary or am I just being overly precious?

I want to be fascinating and meaningful on Twitter – but what to say and how much? I’d love to supply you hourly with fabulous links to important industry articles that will enhance your knowledge and writing journey. But the truth is, I just don’t have time – in fact, I barely have time to cook the dinner. And do you really want to know that there’s a new family of fledglings cheeping in our birdhouse?

I’m sure you have similar feelings to me. How much is enough, how much is too much, and what counts as a mistake? I can help you a little.

Generally, avoid documenting anything about your querying or subsequent submission processes. Play your cards close to your chest and cultivate your poker face. Your agent, if you have one, will love you for that, because it leaves she/he able to do their job – selling your book - with maximum freedom. It will also lower your stress levels because thousands of people won’t be watching as you ride a potential rollercoaster to deal or no deal.

An elderly member of my family really hated to hear gossip. Very solemnly he would intone, ‘Is it true, is it necessary, is it helpful? Of course, I would roll my eyes. But nowadays those words are often in my mind as I consider whether to say something – or not. Of course, if we all stuck rigidly to all three criteria there would BE no social networking because the whole fun of it is that it’s as fast moving as a babbling brook, whirling us ever onwards.

And yet maybe there’s something in that old saying. The Times of London today exposed the risks of jury trials collapsing due to jurors increasingly tweeting/status-updating verdicts or canvassing support from other jurors. And it’s definitely true that in the books business there are times when the best thing to say (online) is nothing at all.

I suspect a certain congressman, and his Underpants of Doom, would concur.

Pix:

1) An old-fashioned means of communication - Cornwall, England 2) Cannonballs, Fredericksburg - enough said. 

Comments (16)

What a great post. I’ve never agreed about writing, blogging or tweeting about requests or rejections for all the reasons you stated.
Every writer needs to read this. And the poor guy and his underpants, even though this is the first I’ve heard of it.

It was only a few days ago that Russell Crowe was apologising for his Twitter remarks that (may have) upset a horde of religious followers. And with the convenience of social networking, it’s all too easy to land yourself in a place you really don’t want to be.

On a related theme, I received an email fom a client last Friday and was so cross by its content, I immediately typed a reply. It was professional, but let down by the obvious sarcasm throughout. I knew I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be responding in the way I ought to be, so the email wasn’t sent, but rather saved to drafts.

An hour later I had calmed down and edited the original response. The resultant reply made me feel good and appear to be the ‘professional’ one to the host of people copied into both the original email and my reply.

Reagarding Twitter and Facebook, there are plenty of people with plenty to say, some of it great, some of it less so. Unless you’re trying to generate business through social networking (as a self-publisher, for example), I would always say to use it as much or as little as you want. I follow a few people who make some interesting posts, but when you have to pick through their forty not-so-interesting posts per day, I’m very inclined to ‘unfollow’.

Quality not quantity for me, every time.

Wonderful post, Sarah! Thank you!

Oh, this brings back memories of the day I received an email from my editor, wrote some snarky comments to my agent about the editor and what she was up to with my book - and pressed Reply instead of Forward. I knew instantly what I’d done, and got by return an email so frosty icicles formed on the screen.
I’ve been a lot more careful since then, but it’s so easily done!

Oh my. 
I’ve blogged about offers I’ve received.  I’ve even posted a query.  I agree it might be better to not say anything at all, but when no specific names are mentioned, is this so awful?  If so, how does one do damage control?

I like Facebook because it alerts me to when you post great pieces of writing like this.

“Is it true, is it necessary, is it helpful?” We all need to ask ourselves these questions when we tackle social media. My own mantra is “never say anything online you wouldn’t say to a person’s face.” That nips all forms of nastiness in the bud right there.

I try hard to stick with the Thumper philosophy, “If you can’t say nothin’ nice...”.  This is a fantastic post, Sarah, one ALL writer/bloggers should read.

Actually, I am interested in the fledglings in your bird house!

This is a wonderful post, however I do think that if someone who is undiscovered writes a blog they only expect friends and people they know to read it so perhaps they can be a little negative. If they got signed I’m thinking they may become more professional in what they write online and take down a lot of the old blogs and sites. A lot of my friends who have been published upon being signed took down old blogs and did new ones. I just think it would be a shame to turn down a good writer based on their current online presence and perceived view of their personality when it might just be a bad period in their lives which disappears when things look up!

Thanks for all the great comments - glad the post was useful.

DJ Paterson:Saving an email in your drafts folder before sending - if written in righteous anger - is a very good idea. Sleeping on it and viewing it fresh can save a lot of regrets, as you say!  I’ve occasionally (some years ago) sent emails I regretted, but sadly just no way to take them back. We live and learn.

Misty: If you’ve blogged about offers etc, and still got your book deal, then you can’t have done anything disastrous! However, I still think it’s best to keep silent during the process. Agents make difficult decisions about who should receive the manuscript, and sometimes we go back out again in a new round. Why reveal everything to everyone if you don’t need to? Also, publishers’ financial affairs should be kept confidential, especially at a stage when they haven’t necessarily got the deal. This is a business transaction and really needs to dealt with in a professional manner. If you DO post something you regret, simply take it down asap.

Tricia: We have a deluxe set of condos (on a very high pole) for purple martins. Not a single PM has ever inhabited it, but we do get other families moving in. Now I can hear cheeping!

Stephanie: I totally agree with you about recreating your online profile once you have a deal - you are now writing to a different audience. However, agents have to make decisions on what they have before them at the time of querying. A professional and dignified presence never goes amiss - your online profile is your window to the world and you are inviting agents and editors to look into that window and meet you. If you add a link at the foot of your email, an agent will go straight to it!

You are definitely right and it is an easy trap to fall into. I am certainly going to put a lot of thought into what I put online in future.  As an unknown writer I think we overlook how easy it is to be perceived in completely the wrong way. Thank you Sarah.

Having the ability to communicate to so many people at once, so instantly and irrevocably, is a big responsibility.  I love social media for the connections I make with other writers.  I also like the fact that writers DO share about their experiences because it helps me learn about this process, but I agree that everyone needs to use professionalism and tact.  And that details regarding submissions and querying need to be handled with care.  I do worry about making a mistake, and I try to hold onto emails for a bit to make sure they’re not emotional reactions that should be further edited.

But I like hearing about birds in your yard as well as being linked to interesting articles.  I like getting to know the PEOPLE behind the roles we all play in the book business.  One thing that gets me to unfollow a person is persistent negativity, though, or an entitled tone.  Well, and if they tweet their underthings. 

Thanks for the great post!

I am releasing my first book soon (A Marked Past, YA Fantasy, coming Oct 2011)and to drum up a following I have started a blog. I am new to the online journaling world so I really appreciate your advice...I often wonder where the line between sharing and over sharing lies. Thanks again and feel free to drop me a line!

http://www.lesliedeaton.blogspot.com

PS- my cover was released today on my blog, so very excited!

Good post! And you have to be very, very careful what you put online even once you are a published author… as the authors of The Magnolia League found out recently.

Well said, well put, and jolly well done.  I have gone into social media kicking and screaming--but I’m there.  I enjoy blogging but know the responsibilities that comes with it.  Facebook is a time sink but I check in once a day and that’s it.  I refuse to Twitter. Soon, it’s “importance” will fade and we’ll be on to something else, but we’ll still be dragging blogs, FB, and Twitter behind us as we chase down the new form of social media. 

P.S.:  I enjoyed the photo of the Fredericksburg Military Park. I’m in Roanoke now and homesick!

Im not sure of just how bloging works. I guess we will find out. I am a Writer and I am tring to get a Childrens book published, Rather than jsut droping it in the Mail I have always thought it a great idea to try and get to know the agents somewhat, to create a Dialog, so that when you send something, its not a matter of Who is this